Paul Hogan’s Tax Debt Dropped, Celebrates By Walking on Heads

Okay, I made that last part up.  Obviously no one can walk on other peoples’ heads.  Crocodile Dundee included.  Not even when Linda Kozlowski’s love is at stake.

But he must be happy today because Australia, the country that brought you Vegemite and Yahoo Serious, has dropped their five year investigation into whether or not Mr. Hogan was using offshore bank accounts to hide his earnings from the so-called “Crocodile Dundee Trilogy”.

There’s no word as to whether Paul used his patented hypnotization-thingy thing to get them to succumb, but if it works on yaks it probably works on accountants.

–Cap’n DingoJack

For Your Friday Viewing Pleasure…

Wesley Snipes is about to begin his 3 year jail sentence for tax evasion.

Don’t mess with Uncle Sam, Mr. Snipes. They aren’t like vampires.

-BillyHoylejuiceboy

The Island is a year old!

Fellow 1 year olds

Loyal, sexy readers of the Island, we have made it!

That’s right, tomorrow is the 1 year anniversary of our soon-to-be-famous blog, the same blog that you can’t wait to read first thing in the morning! The same blog you can’t stop talking about at lunch! The same blog you check when falling asleep!

With our insightful commentary and unique sense of humor not seen anywhere else, we have spent the past 365 days bringing you our own take on all sorts of topics, carefully plucking stories from the vastness of the intertubes.

And with 267 post so far, Cap’n Blackjack and I have decided to take a look back and choose the Top 5 Posts that are not our own. Which is good, because I wouldn’t be able to decide on my own posts–they’re all just that good!

Four Loko and the Great American Freakout

It’s been called “blackout in a can”.  A dangerous mix of caffeine and alcohol.  And it’s out to DESTROY AMERICA’S BRIGHT SHINING FUTURE.

It’s Four Loko and America’s losing its shit all over it.

Massachusetts just became the fifth state in the nation to ban the drink.  It’s being pulled off store shelves as we speak.  So breathe a collective sigh of relief, America.  College students can finally go back to their studying.  The worst scourge to attack America and its freedoms since National Public Radio can’t hurt your children no more. 

Phew!  Now, go mix me up a Cap’n n’ Coke.

Yeah, that’s right, alcohol and caffeine mixed together wonderfully.  Imagine that.  And did you know you can mix coffee and alcohol together too?  It’s true!  Happens all the time.  There’s also vodka and Red Bull.  Not exactly my cup of tea, but not exactly new either.

So, why’s the red hot hate being focused so directly on these colorfully oversized Four Loko cans?  Damned if I know.  My guess is that stupid saying again:

“Blackout in a can.” 

You hear it on the news each time this stupid topic comes up.  And it’s usually accompanied by a shot of some gangly college student putting one back.  SHOCK!  OUTRAGE!  WHY WON’T SOMEONE THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!!! 

Or maybe white people just can’t wrap their head around the name.

Four...Loko?

Or maybe this is just another example of Modern America, quick to act, not so quick to think, all due to knee-jerk reactions to stories blown way out of proportion by the 24 hour news cycle, competing news outlets,  and the world wide intertubes.  Meanwhile the topics that require action aren’t being addressed at all (energy crisis, Iraq and Afghanistan, global warming, etc).  It’s insane. 

Seriously, everybody, RELAX.  Four Loko isn’t killing your kids.  It’s not eroding our nation’s educational standards (we have Congress and TV for that, after all). 

It’s a can of slop no fundamentally different from that rum n’ coke you love so much.

–Cap’n Blackout in a Can

Sarah Jessica Parker's Right Breast is Very Excited About Harry Potter

Wingardium leviosa!

It’s either that or the leathery casing she calls skin is starting to break down from all the plastic surgeries. 

–Cap’n Blackjack

Photo courtesy Boston.com

Hello, Eva Longoria

I know you like ze Frenchmen, no?

News broke today that Eva Longoria is breaking up with NBA star Tony Parker.

I am but a perfect shoulder to cry on, no?

Eva, appelez-moi….

-Limejuiceboy

Harry Potter and the Ibanez S570B Electric Guitar

Engorgio!

Unless you are living under a Whomping Willow, you probably have heard that Harry Potter will fly into movie theaters this Friday at midnight.

Galloping Gargoyles!

Did you also know that there is a music movement out there called Wizard Rock?
Harry and the Potters, Swish and Flick, The Moaning Myrtles and the Whomping Willows are all part of this, just to name a few.

So enjoy your games of Quidditch this weekend, boys and girls.

I’ll be Wrocking out.

A little less bottom end on the guitar please.

-Jugsonjuiceboy

For Your Friday Viewing Discomfort…High School Hurdles Done Bad

I feel bad for this girl, I really do.  So, why am I posting this clip then? 

Good question.

–Cap’n Blackjack

Thanksgiving continues to…evolve?

Thanksgiving isn’t that far away, so let the T-posts begin!

What we have here is a cake with the layers made of turkey and stuffing, frosted with mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes and topped with mini marshmallows.

Strange, but definitely interesting.

-TomTurkeyjuiceboy

PA Man Lights Joint in Hospital After Child’s Birth, Gives Cap’n Blackjack Inspiration

I’ve got a baby coming.  Any day now, actually.  A little girl.  Awww…  But I never knew what I was going to do with myself during the long stay at the hospital.  Lavish attention upon my daughter?  That’s crazy talk!  Instead I’m gonna follow in the weed-filled footsteps of this guy: 

Uniontown police Sgt. Jonathan Grabiak told the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review that a nurse smelled the marijuana when she took a cigarette break in the same area, and a hospital security guard called police about 3:20 a.m.

Grabiak says the man told him, “I’m having a baby and wanted to get a buzz” and then pulled a bag of marijuana from his shoe.

The man was released to a family member and made to leave the hospital.

Awkward!

I have to say I’m shocked I didn’t think of this.  After all, it makes sense.  Movies?  Better on weed.  Video games?  Also better on weed.  Trips to the grocery store?  Shit-tons better on weed!  As is trimming your toenails, cleaning the cat box, vacuuming the rugs, doing the dishes, spending time with the in-laws, gardening, attending sheep-shearing festivals, and writing blog posts.  Basically…everything.

Why should baby birthing be any different?  Why should my wife have all the fun?

So I thank you, nameless Pennsylvanian pothead.  Thank you for reminding me that even the birth of my first child will be improved significantly while riding the ganja train.

All aboard!

–Cap’n DimeSack

Related Article:  Pa. man lights joint to celebrate child’s birth