Archive for August, 2010

Introducing…CHIMPS AHOY!

Today the Limejuiceboy and I would like to proudly introduce our newest endeavor; a blog about a topic that the both of us hold near and dear to our hearts.


Apes, gorillas, chimps, orangutans, and the like. In other words…


Yes, we’ll have monkey news. As often as it hits the presses. But that’s not all. Our site will also be the web’s number one primate classroom! For example, did you know the macaque is the most populous primate in the world behind humans? Neither did we until we just looked it up, but you get the idea. Learning happens here!

But what about fun, you say? Oh, we know how to have fun. And we’re going to slather you in monkey fun. Just take a look at what we have in store!

  • On-Site Reporting! Helper monkeys, entertainers, and even the zoo! (That’s right, I said the zoo! Crazy.)
  • Monkey Movie Reviews! We’ve seen monkey movies, but we could always see more, friends. This time with reviews, posted for you! You won’t rent a bad monkey movie (i.e. “Ed”) ever again!
  • Famous Monkeys Through Time! Ever wish you could speak more intelligently about Koko the Gorilla or Bubbles the Chimp with that sexy single at the nightclub? Chimps Ahoy has you covered!
  • Chimp-Mart! Oh, if only there was a big box store of monkey merchandise in your neighborhood. You won’t need one if you read Chimps Ahoy! If we see cool ape-related clothing, art, and toys, you can bet your sweet cheeks that we’ll post it here for you. Isn’t that nice of us?
  • And Much Monk More! Weather reports from the jungle! The search for the missing link between humans and apes, Bigfoot! Monk-culinary tidbits! Even babies and monkeys! If it has to do with apes (or man-apes), we’re there.

It’s time to set sail for monkey-related adventure, friends. Just say…

Chimps Ahoy!

–Cap’n Blackjack

P.S. No, Celebrity Exile isn’t going anywhere, folks! We’ll continue to post crazy crap here as often as we can! So don’t go anywhere!

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If you're British, the news just got worse.

I'm instantly hungry

So yeah, here at the Island, we Americans think we’re great. But we aren’t. And we know it.

America! Fuck Yea!

But regardless (irregardless?), we American’s love it when a society close to us, in this case the British, takes one to the teeth (oops, sorry Jeeves!)…

No worries, bloke.

Every 4th of July I love to watch the fireworks explode over the lake and then I waddle my way over to the grill to devour more than a couple of hotdogs, and maybe a ‘burger slipped in there somewhere, which is followed by a s’more among the campfire. It’s Beat Up On The British Day! But when I heard about the report from the Cancer Research UK, I had to think about things….

Rates of esophageal cancer in men have risen by 50 percent in Britain in a generation, an increase that is probably being driven in part by growing rates of obesity and poor diet…being overweight significantly increases the risk of adenocarcinoma — the main type of esophageal cancer that’s on the up..


Look, I love the Brits..they know comedy, they have history, and they’re like our big step-brother that we know we should respect, and we do…kinda…but he’s a bit awkward and we’re much cooler.

we'll talk later

Except we’re suckers for that accent. Speak to us in any accent, and we’ll be like butter in the palm of your hands.

well, except for you guys

So please, British ladies, do something about your men. Although they know how to make us laugh, they don’t eat well. And while you’re at it, do something about your own teeth.

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For your Friday viewing pleasure….

August 27, 2010 1 comment

You wear too much eye makeup. My sister wears too much. People think she's a whore.

News came out today that Jennifer Grey will be a contestant on the next Dancing With The Stars. So, in case you won’t be able to recognize her (nose-job), here is her best performance to date which, coincidently, involves dancing!

Also, let’s give a shout-out to the Swayz!

-Johnny Castle

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Ahh, the intertubes and what they used to look like:


One picture = 20 minutes of download

You go, Lincoln, PA!

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For Your Friday Viewing Pleasure…

So bad, it’s good. Good luck trying to find it on DVD.

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Lou Gehrig may not have had Lou Gehrig's disease.

A study published today in the Journal of Neuropathology and Experimental Neurology indirectly suggested that amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or as you have already guessed if you didn’t know, Lou Gehrig’s disease, was not the disease that inflicted and ultimately was the demise of the Yankee slugger who declared himself “the luckiest man on the face of the earth.”

not a baseball player

What doctors found was that markings in the spinal cords of professional players diagnosed with A.L.S indicated that they, in fact, did not have A.L.S but a different disease, one caused by trauma from concussions and that eventually eroded the central nervous system similar to how A.L.S degenerates its victims.

Ice. So unforgiving.

From The New York Times:

The study published Wednesday…..represents the first firm pathological indications that brain trauma results in motor-neuron degeneration, and that the resulting disease (at least in the three men studied) is actually not A.L.S. It is a different disorder with different markings, specifically high levels of two protein abnormalities in the spinal cord that compromise nerve function.

When Lou Gehrig was playing professional baseball, batting helmets were not worn nor required. During an exhibition game in 1934, Gehrig was hit with a pitch above his right eye and knocked unconscious. He played the next day. Ten years earlier, the Yankees and the Tigers got into a bench-clearing brawl and Gehrig hit his head on concrete, after taking a swipe at, and missing, Ty Cobb. In between these times, Gehrig was hit in the head and knocked unconscious while playing a ground ball down at first base. Throw in a handful of other head “injuries” and there’s only so much sloshing about a brain can take.

Back in those days, little was known about concussions and the lingering effects they had. To play the next day was commonplace and evidence as being a “tough-guy”. In today’s world, great care is taken to treat professional athletes when their noggin gets dinged. And with good reason.

So, what about the name “Lou Gehrig’s disease”? This could be a big “oops!” Not only are we dealing with a whole new disease (albeit very similar) but the A.L.S Association is in trouble of losing the face and obviously the name of their disease. Parkinson’s has Michael J. Fox….

two of the many symptoms of Parkinson's....wolf-like appearance and beer can biting

Johnny Dickshot disease just doesn’t have the same ring to it.


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For Your Friday the 13th Viewing Pleasure…

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