Archive for April, 2010

For your Friday viewing pleasure…

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The Kentucky Derby: May 1, 2010

And so it begins, the first leg of the Triple Crown. The “Most Exciting Two Minutes in Sports” is on the docket for a 5:30ish start tomorrow. So, still wondering where you should place your bets? Well, here’s the lineup:

•American Lion
•Awesome Act
•Dean’s Kitten
•Discreetly Mine
•Ice Box
•Jackson Bend
•Line of David
•Lookin at Lucky
•Make Music For Me
•Mission Ipazible
•Noble’s Promise
•Paddy O’Prado
•Sidney’s Candy
•Stately Victor
•Super Saver

Lookin at Lucky is the favorite. But I think cheering for the favorite is booooring. No, I’m interested in the underdogs. And the big ones this year are Dean’s Kitten (45/1), Make Music for Me (45/1), Discreetly Mine (50/1), Backtalk (50/1), and Homeboykris (50/1).

Dean’s Kitten, don’t let me down!

But the media darling is Devil May Care, with 10/1 odds and the only filly in the group. Let’s just hope she doesn’t meet the same fate as the last filly to run the Derby, Eight Belles, who had to be euthanized right on the track. Sorry I had to bring that up.

So sit back and enjoy the race and make yourself a drink

Because you're nobody if you don't drink one of these

And since we are here, let’s take a moment to look at the ladies in hats:


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Furry Vengeance On My Sensibilities

Seriously Hollywood…WTF?!

Brendan Frasier?  Check.

Talking CG animals?  Check.

The taste of vomit in my mouth?  Check!

I mean seriously Hollywood…


-Cap’n Blackjack

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For your Friday viewing pleasure…

April 23, 2010 1 comment


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Happy Earth Day!

Pretend like you give a shit people.

–Cap’n Planet

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Fat Kids Are Threatening Our National Security!!!

Mission Readiness, a group of retired high-ranking military officers, today released a report saying that 27 percent of young Americans are physically unfit to serve in the armed forces.

How dare you

And it’s not just that. Seems like American kids are doomed to watch our future wars from the comfort of their barcaloungers and sectionals for other reasons too. From CNN:

Mission: Readiness’ report, “Too Fat to Fight,” said that 75 percent of young Americans between the ages of 17 to 24 do not qualify for the military because of failure to graduate [from high school], criminal records or physical problems.

Nice. A whole generation of fat dumb criminals. Future invading armies might as well perform twinkie drops instead of leaflets.

Because the future of the U.S. Marines won’t look like this:

It’ll look like this:

–Cap’n Fatjack

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Thus begins our march toward 2012.

It's gonna be a bumpy ride

Earthquakes. Severe storms. Volcanoes.

Yes, what we are seeing here is the beginning of the roller coaster ride. The end of the track is 2012 so it makes sense that things have to start now. We can’t flip the disaster switch two years from now–there has to be a progression, a buildup. And so it has begun. The culmination will be the winter solstice when planets align or something. Whatever it is, it’s going to be big. Hold on. Screaming is allowed. We really pissed off Mother Nature, didn’t we?

Don't let that innocent look fool you


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