Archive for February, 2010

Not this time either, His Airness.

February 27, 2010 1 comment


It was reported today that David Stern, the NBA commissioner, expects easy approval of one Michael Jeffrey Jordan’s majority ownership in the Charlotte Bobcats franchise.

This is good news.

This is not good news.

Not for Michael Jordan fans.

Not for Charlotte Bobcats fans.

Since being a part of the front office, MJ has not had the kind of success, even remotely, as he did when he was on the floor. That last sentence is up for gold in the ‘most obvious statement ever’ competition. But about his front office career, the numbers are not good.

Here are the playoff results of front-office lead Michael Jordan NBA teams:

1999: DNQ
2000: DNQ
2001: DNQ
2002: DNQ
2003-2009: DNQ*

*I got tired of typing “DNQ”.

That’s right, Did Not Qualify!

Obviously anything Air Jordan does should make news in the sports world, or anywhere else I suppose. And anytime anyone buys a majority stake in anything this big is worth noting. But The Island has a feeling that the press is getting wide-eyed at the prospect of a classic fail here. Jordan hasn’t done anything you could call successful in the front-office of the NBA world. And this has the chance to be a juicy story in a few years for everyone to sink their teeth into.

so good..

But as a player, I mean, wow. Obviously the best ever. I didn’t like Jordan at first. I appreciated his talent and was awed by what he could do, but I didn’t like him because he was a growing threat to the Celtics. During the 80’s, Jordan carried those bad Bulls team’s far beyond the talent of the group as a whole. And when Jordan scored 63 in a playoff game against my home team (the C’s ended up sweeping!) you knew it was only a matter of time before Jordan’s team would win it all. But what they did was become a dynasty. Is that a capital ‘D’?

I lived in Chicago during the late 90’s and it took me a while to warm up to the Bulls. The Celtics were a bad, bad team at that time and Chicago had been good for a while. Jordan played baseball for a season or two but there was an energy surrounding that Jordan-less Bulls team. When it happened, it seemed obvious that Jordan would return to the Bulls and lay waste to the rest of the league. They played so well that I had to like them. I liked to like them. Sure, I tried to cheer for Reggie Miller and the Pacers and Malone and Stockton for the Jazz, but they weren’t fun. The fun was in Chicago and the Bulls were King.

And that’s how I want to remember Jordan. Not by his failed baseball career, his over-priced steakhouse or his previous stumbles running an NBA team. I want to remember him as the Best Player Ever. But if he wants to run the Bobcats, let him have it. I’m not afraid of the Bobcats. They can come to The Garden anytime. Especially if this guy is their coach:

Look it up, he really is looking to coach an NBA team.

-The Admiral Limejuiceboy

Categories: Uncategorized

Rules of Attraction

February 27, 2010 Leave a comment

From MSNBC: If you wish to be alluring, you might want to pair up with a hot partner. A good-looking significant other will cause other potential mates to find you more desirable, new research suggests.

The results held more for women than men, who tend to find attractive ladies desirable no matter who they are intimate with.

The researchers noted they only focused on the physical attractiveness of the partner, and that future research could investigate whether other aspects, such as personality, might also influence desires.

All I can say is that people must find Cap’n Blackjack and myself very desirable because of Mrs. Cap’n Blackjack and Limejuicegirl.

Oh yeah…


Categories: Uncategorized

Second Chance Island: We're all gonna get Gutted!

February 27, 2010 Leave a comment

Laugh it up, fuzzball.

That’s right, you heard it here first! Steve Guttenberg is due for a comeback. Soon his name will appear more and more in newspapers, tabloids and film credits. Then, BAM! we’re all gonna get Gutted! I, for one, can’t wait.

awww, shucks

*Thanks to one of The Island’s faithful followers for the Gutte premonition.


Categories: Uncategorized

Karate Kid Clarified

February 25, 2010 1 comment

For any of you out there who may be confused…

THIS is the Karate Kid.

This is NOT.

That is all.

–Cap’n Blackjack

Categories: Uncategorized

Dick Cheney's Incredible Inedible Heart

February 25, 2010 2 comments

This has been an interesting week.  First Boner.  Now Dick.

Dick Cheney was once again rushed to the hospital for chest pains this week.  It was later revealed that the pains were actually a minor heart attack, which begs the question:  How many heart attacks has this man had?

Five.  The answer is five.

From the NY Times:

Before the current episode, Mr. Cheney had four heart attacks, quadruple-bypass surgery and two procedures to unclog his arteries. In 2001, he underwent an operation to implant a defibrillator. In July 2007, that device, similar to a pacemaker, was replaced. He has also received electric shocks to correct irregular heart rhythms.

Wow.  That’s an impressive resume of heart failure.  Electric shocks, even.  If any doctors are reading, may I be the first to suggest more of these for the man?

"I got your back."

Thanks, Dr. Venkman.

Look, it’s crazy that this man is still alive.  There are kids with terminal cancer and this man continues to survive.  People get hit by cars and trains almost every day in this country and this man continues to survive.  Dogs get electrocuted on manhole covers and yet, this man still continues to survive!  An alumnus from my college died falling into human excrement at a sewage treatment facility for Christ’s sake and…well, you get the picture.

Which leads me to only one conclusion:  Evil Never Dies.

"I can vouch for that."

Like Vlad the Impaler and Voldemort before him, ol’ Dick is gunning for eternal life.  Sure, his heart might be fighting him every step of the way, but Dick knows what to do about that:  Call it a terrorist, waterboard it a few times, and feed it a healthy dose of warm kitten blood. 

"Pass me some more of that delicious kitten blood, please."

Hell, it’s worked so far.  Why stop now?

–Cap’n Blackjack

Categories: Uncategorized

Topical Island: Mascots

February 24, 2010 1 comment

Yes, that's what this is: an actual mascot at an actual college.

From The Associated Press: JACKSON, Miss. — Some students at the University of Mississippi want Admiral Ackbar of “Star Wars” fame for their new mascot – but as Ackbar himself might say, “It’s a trap.”

Officials say there’s virtually no chance the fish-faced leader of the Rebel Alliance in the movie could become the on-field mascot for the Rebels of Ole Miss.

Well, good luck University of Mississippi! I hope you succeed in this endeavor. And if you don’t, may I suggest a few other alternatives:


Categories: Uncategorized

The Ice Dancing of Dr. Moreau

February 23, 2010 1 comment

I’m putting this on the Island.

Whatever it is.

–Cap’n Blackjack

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