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Archive for December, 2009

Sports Year 2009: A Recap

December 31, 2009 1 comment
courtesy zimbio

The 2009 Pittsburgh Steelers

Oh goody, another championship for the Steelers.

The 2009 Pittsburgh Penguins

Wait, Pittsburgh again?  I don’t like where this is going…

The 2009 Los Angeles Lakers

Oh, C’mon now!  That’s not right.  That’s just not right!  (Besides, shouldn’t that guy be in jail or something?)

The *gulp* 2009 New York Yankees

You @$*&ing $@#!ers can suck my %&!-jiggling $#@& monkey @#$!

GAHHHHH!!!!!!!

–Cap’n Blackjack

Categories: Uncategorized

Exile Island: 2009!

December 31, 2009 Leave a comment

go away!

Hey, 2009…EFF YOU! I am so glad you are over and done with (knocking on wood since 2009 has all day to get at me one more time).

You really brought it to me, 2009. But I have it all set up for a great 2010. So there!

And welcome 2010! I’ll be nice to you if you be nice to me…

awww, look at the little kitty...

2009….you are hereby banished forever!

-Limejuiceboy

Categories: Uncategorized

This is Getting Sick, New Year's!

December 30, 2009 1 comment

Yep, that’s me!

Okay, you’re right.  That’s not me.  But I am sick.

On New Year’s.

For the second straight year.

There’s nothing like ringing in the new year with a box of tissues and a pile of Zicam wrappers. 2009 started that way and it looks like 2010 will be no different.  Greeaaat.

So, New Year’s, you’re officially on Timeout Island.  You try this next year and you’re on permanent exile.

You have been warned.

–Cap’n Sickjack

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The Golden Girls’ Top 6 Restaurants….or something like that.

December 30, 2009 Leave a comment

Ribs, great... why don't you just kick the dentures out of my mouth?

Here at the Island we love food. And although this list could easily be 100, I wanted to offer up a short dish of places I have been to and enjoyed. But mostly I just wanted to post something new…and about food…and from different spots of the country. And I miscounted, so that’s why this is a Top 6 list. Deal.

Of course, restaurants outside of these United States are on an entirely different list. So get ready for some hard-hitting food reporting! Mangia!

Marietta Pizza Company

Give me The Works!

I was in Marietta for 5 days and I went here twice. The pizza is excellent, the atmosphere is inviting and the beer is good. Try the specialty pizza…I recommend The Works.

Gibson’s Bar and Steakhouse

Mouth-watering Filet Mignon

Chicago does a lot of things right. And cooking the perfect steak is no exception. I lived in the Windy City for 3 years and only went here once. What a shame.

Lucca

Orecchiette pasta..that's right!

A great Italian restaurant in Boston’s North End. Again, I’ve only been here once. But I plan to go again in 2010! The downstairs is a great place to have dinner. I also need to hang out in the bar upstairs. Hmmm, martini’s or manhattan’s?

Timberline

Elk Medallions

In Crested Butte, Colorado. Yummy!

Richard’s Bistro

scallops wrapped in bacon

I have been here numerous times but not for a year now. It is one of my favorites in the biggest city in NH (don’t laugh). The prices are low, the entrees are excellent, and Richard himself is usually in the front, offering a smile and a big welcome.

Modo Mio

Crab Cannelloni App.

In Philadelphia. Have the $33 four-course option. Oh, and in Philly, most places are BYOB. This place is no exception. And it is excellent!

-Limejuiceboy, food critic extraordinaire!

Categories: Uncategorized

Introducing the Most Pointless Celebrity of the Decade…

December 30, 2009 1 comment

…Jon Heder.

Yes, Napoleon Dynamite.

Did we really let this guy into our homes for the past five years?  Did we really need to see him star in other movies like the Benchwarmers and Blades of Glory?  While those are undoubtedly terrible movies that couldn’t be made any worse by his involvement, what exactly made people think that we’d want to see this guy in anything else?  Wasn’t Napoleon Dynamite enough?  Isn’t that a fad that we’re all glad is over with and done for?

America, please learn from your mistakes.  Don’t let this happen again next decade.

Please.

–Cap’n Blackjack

Categories: Uncategorized

Limejuiceboy’s Top 5 worst movies of the Aughts.

December 29, 2009 1 comment

yeah, so do you..

So…many…movies.

Yet during my research I realized there were a lot of movies this decade that I didn’t see. And with good reason. So to be fair to the movies that will be BANISHED! I decided that I could only BANISH! the worst movies of the Aughts that I have seen, whether it be all the way through or to a point where I had to shut it off 15 minutes in. Of course there are what could be considered obvious selections that I ignored, mainly because I have mentioned them in older posts (like Cat In The Hat), or I plan on BANISHING! Them on their own (Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, your days are numbered).

So, without further delay, and in no particular order, here are the top 5 BANISHED! movies of this decade:

Glitter (2001)

la la la la la la...

And I have seen this movie more than once! I’ll spare you the details or even a high-level synopsis of Glitter but if you do end up with this wet trash in the DVD player, the best part of the movie is when the main menu comes up. That’s because Mariah’s face explodes into glitter! It’s the best wipe I’ve seen. Everything after that is horrendous. I’ve seen better film on teeth.

Big Momma’s House 1 and 2 (2000 and 2006)

OMG, they are making a 3rd!

This was an in-flight movie. Worst. Plane ride. Ever.

Envy (2004)

All I could find was a picture of the movie poster. It wasn’t worth the effort to upload it. I shut this movie off within 10 minutes.

The Family Stone (2005)

See SJP in the middle? keep reading...

Actually there is one part, lasting 2 seconds, that wasn’t all that bad. The rest was a fracking nightmare when one S.J.P. was on screen. And that was all the time. The 2 second part was when the father slammed his fist on the dinner table and made S.J.P shut the f. up. That was the only time I showed a happy emotion during this devastation. But then I realized something with this terrible movie: Sarah J. Parker was not acting. That is how she is in real life! Scary. And scary bad.

Requiem for a Dream (2000)

I feel sick

This movie made my skin crawl, my stomach felt like it was ripped out and all I wanted to do was rip my eyes out of my sockets so I could access my brain and tear out the part that made me remember what I just saw.

So, here’s to the Aught’s! I can only hope the Teens can give me another opportunity to subject myself to the same level of slug vom as these did.

-LJB

Categories: Uncategorized

The Golden Girls’ Top Five Movies of the Decade

December 28, 2009 2 comments

‘Tis the season for Best/Worst lists of 2009 and the decade as a whole.  And while the decade doesn’t technically end for another year (you start counting at one, not zero), Celebrity Exile isn’t about to be left behind.  And neither are Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, and Sophia who would like to thank the following films for being their friends this decade.

5.  Casino Royale

After the increasingly-cartoony offerings from Pierce Brosnan and friends (don’t get me going on Die Another Day’s Madonna-rific, face-swapping story…blech!), James Bond was in serious need of a makeover.  The formula had gotten stale.  On top of things, Jason Bourne had burst onto the scene, out-Bonding the famous MI-6 agent himself.

So what did they do?  They brought in Martin Campbell who headed the last “reboot” of Goldeneye, they wrote a smart script completely removed from the previously-established formula, and they brought in a Bond no one expected: blonde-haired Daniel Craig.

And they hit the jackpot.  While blasphemy to some, I consider this to be the very best Bond movie, quality-wise.  It has all the qualities you want in a Bond movie (action, stunts, unique characters, twists and turns) with none of the cheesiness you don’t.  Not only that, but it injected a sense of style not seen in a Bond movie since the 60s.  This potent mix has me coming back again and again.

And while Royale’s sequel Quantum of Solace was a disappointment, this new series has great potential for future greatness.  If you jumped ship after Dalton and Brosnan, it’s time to hook back up with Mr. Bond.  You won’t regret it.

4.  Children of Men

While there were a few shining examples of science fiction this decade (this year’s Avatar or District 9 come to mind), this still stands as my favorite.  And there’s very little stereotypical “science fiction” in it.  There are no spaceships, no aliens, no lasers.  No, instead there’s a not-too-distant Earth where people have become infertile mysteriously.  Children no longer exist.  Schools are closed down.  The future of humanity is in serious doubt.

It’s a depressing premise.  And a fairly depressing movie to boot, if not for the message of hope at its core.

Hope comes in the form of a pregnant girl, the first seen in decades.  Her arrival, however, sets many different chess pieces into motion, many of which threaten her safety.  Enter Clive Owen’s downtrodden character who must protect her at all costs.

While this unique premise might be enough for most films, what truly sets this movie apart is the direction, which is exemplary.  Imagine complicated action scenes, with dozens of extras, and unbelievable amounts of choreography, occurring without cutting away.  While the director, Alphonso Cauron, later admitted some trickery was at play, these scenes, which last minutes at a time, trap you in places you just can’t escape.  And it’s thrilling.  By the end I feel like I’ve been through the same ringer the characters have.  Do yourself a favor and try it out for yourself.

3.  The Incredibles

I love, love, love this movie.  And while Wall-E and Up threatened to knock it off its perch as the very best Pixar and/or animated movie I’ve seen, it continues to hold up, time and time again.

The Incredibles throws superhero movies on its head, creating a world where superheroes live in hiding from the population who sued them out of the spotlight.  We follow Mr. Incredible, a Superman of sorts, who has been working in insurance for far too long.  He longs for a return to the superhero life, and gets himself mixed up in an evil plot to destroy all superheroes, drawing his super-powered family into the fray in the process.

It’s a smart movie.  It’s an exciting movie.  And most of all, it’s a fun movie.  It’s everything you want in big-budget, popcorn entertainment.  And, like Casino Royale, a certain streamlined 60’s style dresses every shot.  It’s just beautiful and it’s a world I find myself wanting to visit time and time again.

2.  No Country for Old Men

This is the Coen Brothers’ best movie.  Fargo, Lebowski, Raising Arizona, and more are all great, but this movie takes them to a whole ‘nother level.  Never have I seen a truly flawless Coen movie, until now.

When a man (Josh Brolin) stumbles across $2 Million in drug money, he sets off a cat and mouse chase between himself, a terrifying hitman (Javier Bardem in the role of a lifetime), and the police (Tommy Lee Jones) who spend most of the time picking up the bloody pieces.  And bloody this movie is, without doubt.  If you are in any way squeamish, this might not be the movie for you. 

But to label this movie in such a manner is to detract from it, for this film is not exactly as it seems.  While the title hints at the true story being told here, it’s the third act that really makes this apparent.  I won’t spoil anything here, but it’s this movie’s ending that will polarize many who view it.  You’ll either get it and love it or you will feel betrayed by the lack of payoff to the set up in the first two acts.  As you may have guessed, I loved it.

But even if you don’t, you certainly won’t forget this movie any time soon.  Give it a shot, especially if you love the Coens.

1.  There Will Be Blood

Wow, where to begin?  This movie knocked me flat on my ass.  Who would have thought a movie about oil prospecting at the turn of the century would have had such an effect on me? 

Perhaps Daniel Day Lewis who cements his status as the greatest living actor on the planet with this movie.  He is absolutely mesmerizing as the dour and greedy Daniel Plainview.  Which is good because we get to know Daniel very well, for better or for worse (mostly for worse). 

Paul Thomas Anderson also really outdid himself with the writing and direction here.  While I love Boogie Nights, I’ve never been able to get behind P.T. Anderson, until now.  This is truly magnificent work.

As is the music, by Jonny Greenwood of Radiohead, which is eerie, engaging, and unforgettable.  The fact that the music didn’t even get nominated for an Oscar (on a technicality) is a complete travesty.

To spoil the story would be a great disservice, so it won’t happen here.  Just be ready to drop “I drink your milkshake!” from the film’s Kubrickian finale into every possible conversation afterwards.

This is an American masterpiece.  Do not miss it.

–Cap’n Blackjack

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