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Archive for November, 2010

Paul Hogan’s Tax Debt Dropped, Celebrates By Walking on Heads

November 23, 2010 Leave a comment

Okay, I made that last part up.  Obviously no one can walk on other peoples’ heads.  Crocodile Dundee included.  Not even when Linda Kozlowski’s love is at stake.

But he must be happy today because Australia, the country that brought you Vegemite and Yahoo Serious, has dropped their five year investigation into whether or not Mr. Hogan was using offshore bank accounts to hide his earnings from the so-called “Crocodile Dundee Trilogy”.

There’s no word as to whether Paul used his patented hypnotization-thingy thing to get them to succumb, but if it works on yaks it probably works on accountants.

–Cap’n DingoJack

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For Your Friday Viewing Pleasure…

November 19, 2010 Leave a comment

Wesley Snipes is about to begin his 3 year jail sentence for tax evasion.

Don’t mess with Uncle Sam, Mr. Snipes. They aren’t like vampires.

-BillyHoylejuiceboy

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The Island is a year old!

November 19, 2010 1 comment

Fellow 1 year olds

Loyal, sexy readers of the Island, we have made it!

That’s right, tomorrow is the 1 year anniversary of our soon-to-be-famous blog, the same blog that you can’t wait to read first thing in the morning! The same blog you can’t stop talking about at lunch! The same blog you check when falling asleep!

With our insightful commentary and unique sense of humor not seen anywhere else, we have spent the past 365 days bringing you our own take on all sorts of topics, carefully plucking stories from the vastness of the intertubes.

And with 267 post so far, Cap’n Blackjack and I have decided to take a look back and choose the Top 5 Posts that are not our own. Which is good, because I wouldn’t be able to decide on my own posts–they’re all just that good!

Read more…

Categories: Uncategorized

Four Loko and the Great American Freakout

November 19, 2010 Leave a comment

It’s been called “blackout in a can”.  A dangerous mix of caffeine and alcohol.  And it’s out to DESTROY AMERICA’S BRIGHT SHINING FUTURE.

It’s Four Loko and America’s losing its shit all over it.

Massachusetts just became the fifth state in the nation to ban the drink.  It’s being pulled off store shelves as we speak.  So breathe a collective sigh of relief, America.  College students can finally go back to their studying.  The worst scourge to attack America and its freedoms since National Public Radio can’t hurt your children no more. 

Phew!  Now, go mix me up a Cap’n n’ Coke.

Yeah, that’s right, alcohol and caffeine mixed together wonderfully.  Imagine that.  And did you know you can mix coffee and alcohol together too?  It’s true!  Happens all the time.  There’s also vodka and Red Bull.  Not exactly my cup of tea, but not exactly new either.

So, why’s the red hot hate being focused so directly on these colorfully oversized Four Loko cans?  Damned if I know.  My guess is that stupid saying again:

“Blackout in a can.” 

You hear it on the news each time this stupid topic comes up.  And it’s usually accompanied by a shot of some gangly college student putting one back.  SHOCK!  OUTRAGE!  WHY WON’T SOMEONE THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!!! 

Or maybe white people just can’t wrap their head around the name.

Four...Loko?

Or maybe this is just another example of Modern America, quick to act, not so quick to think, all due to knee-jerk reactions to stories blown way out of proportion by the 24 hour news cycle, competing news outlets,  and the world wide intertubes.  Meanwhile the topics that require action aren’t being addressed at all (energy crisis, Iraq and Afghanistan, global warming, etc).  It’s insane. 

Seriously, everybody, RELAX.  Four Loko isn’t killing your kids.  It’s not eroding our nation’s educational standards (we have Congress and TV for that, after all). 

It’s a can of slop no fundamentally different from that rum n’ coke you love so much.

–Cap’n Blackout in a Can

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Sarah Jessica Parker's Right Breast is Very Excited About Harry Potter

November 18, 2010 Leave a comment

Wingardium leviosa!

It’s either that or the leathery casing she calls skin is starting to break down from all the plastic surgeries. 

–Cap’n Blackjack

Photo courtesy Boston.com

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Hello, Eva Longoria

November 17, 2010 Leave a comment

I know you like ze Frenchmen, no?

News broke today that Eva Longoria is breaking up with NBA star Tony Parker.

I am but a perfect shoulder to cry on, no?

Eva, appelez-moi….

-Limejuiceboy

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Harry Potter and the Ibanez S570B Electric Guitar

November 16, 2010 1 comment

Engorgio!

Unless you are living under a Whomping Willow, you probably have heard that Harry Potter will fly into movie theaters this Friday at midnight.

Galloping Gargoyles!

Did you also know that there is a music movement out there called Wizard Rock?
Harry and the Potters, Swish and Flick, The Moaning Myrtles and the Whomping Willows are all part of this, just to name a few.

So enjoy your games of Quidditch this weekend, boys and girls.

I’ll be Wrocking out.

A little less bottom end on the guitar please.

-Jugsonjuiceboy

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