Home > Uncategorized > Star Wars Coming to 3D: The Search for More Money Continues…

Star Wars Coming to 3D: The Search for More Money Continues…

So it appears that Star Wars is getting the 3D treatment.  Starting in 2012, George Lucas and Co. will release each of the six movies in order, one per year.  I’ll give you a second to do to the math to figure out how long it will be before we get to A New Hope…

Finished?  Yeah, that’s right!  2015.  Get excited everyone! 

That’s three years of the prequels again, folks, and since this rerelease is dependent on the previous movies being profitable, that means we all need to spend enough money on the Episode 1-3 garbage heap to ensure we get the original trilogy in 3D.   That means seeing Jar Jar step in poop (in three dimensions) and Anakin talking about his distaste for sand (in three dimensions!).  Greeaaaat.  But the prequels aside, do we really need any of these movies in 3D at all?  Even the good ones?  Read more after the jump.

So…the original trilogy in 3D, eh?  Sounds good in passing but let’s remember, these movies came out between 1977 and 1983.  And while the second two hold up today, the original looks pretty low budget by today’s standards, even with the silly Special Edition “enhancements”.  This isn’t the lush jungle planet of Pandora here, people.  This is Tattooine (sand dunes!) and Hoth (snow dunes!).  Can’t imagine that looking pretty fantastic in 3D.  Space combat could be cool, however, and the asteroid chase and Endor speeder chase should be sweet, but overall, not too much is going on that lends itself to 3D.  I’m just having a hard time seeing the benefit, at least to the movie-going public. 

The real benefit, as we all should know by now, goes to George and Lucasfilm.

Hate that damn puppet

I think even the most ardent fan of Star Wars has to admit that the films have been oversold, over-marketed, and over-exposed over recent years.  The box sets for the trilogies (especially the original trilogy) have been sold in VHS, DVD, DVD Special Edition, and soon Blu-Ray.  The Special Editions were put out in theaters in the mid-nineties, adding lots of “new and exciting” reasons to relive the classics, like a squeaking Sarlacc and a god awful song and dance routine in Jabba’s Palace.

Do you really want to see this guy in 3D?

Most fans, myself included, were happy to fork over the cash time and time again for our favorite films.  We grew up with Star Wars.  It was wonderful for us.  And we couldn’t get enough of it.  But once the prequels arrived on the scene, filling theaters everywhere with the stench of bad acting and poor storytelling, a lot of fans turned on Star Wars, and especially George.  A great deal of the magic had left the series.  Great moments from the original trilogy (like Obi-Wan telling Luke about the Clone Wars, Anakin Skywalker’s illustrious past, the relationship between Luke and Vader, etc.) were soiled by the new films.  They just weren’t as fun anymore.  Star Wars became seen as more of a vehicle to make George Lucas more money.  The new craptacular Indiana Jones only proved the point.  The man had lost his way and was simply recycling the same material to keep making himself an obscene amount of money.  Which brings me to my major fear about the 3D versions:

They’re going to murder Star Wars.

I'm coming to get you, Star Wars.

Yes, I said murder.  Like a bandit in the shadows, these films are going to drive the fatal stab wound into the hearts of all Star Wars fans that have stuck with the series for so long.  For a series that is becoming a joke for repeatedly milking its fans for money, this is going to be the final straw.  People are going to be fed up with the Star Wars marketing machine and they’re not going to make it through all six movies in the theater.  And they’re certainly not going to buy the 3D Blu-Ray versions either.

It’s time to stop reselling the Star Wars films.  It’s time for George and Co. to let them go and leave them with the fans.  These films are not his anymore, they’re everyone’s.  He should stop tinkering with them and just let them go.  Empty nest syndrome might be a scary prospect George, but please…

Let them go.

An empty nest ain't so scary, George!

All need not be doom and gloom here, folks!  There is another way for George to revive Star Wars other than simply walking away from them.  There is, as you’d say…a new hope.

Hand the rights to someone else who has the passion and the guts to make Star Wars new and fresh again.  That means no writing, directing, or meddling for George.  He needs to give the rights to someone outside of his inner circle and give them free reign to create something new with the license.  People love the Star Wars universe.  It’s filled with wonder and magic.  But it’s time to leave the Skywalkers alone.  It’s time to move away from the main story arc of the existing films.  It’s time to change everything up.  Imagine a more adult Star Wars with darkness and fear.  Or imagine a Star Wars in a more intimate manner, with new characters on planets never seen or heard from before.  Imagine a Star Wars without Jedis, but with true scum and villainy!  Not all these ideas may seem appealing, but you get the idea.

Change it up, George.  Give your baby away.  Let someone else do something with it.  And if you do…

The fans will be with you.

–Cap’n JarJack

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. Lush Here
    September 29, 2010 at 11:28 am

    There has to be a Corelian cargo ship that needs Capt’n Blackjack at its helm…get that script written!!

  2. capnblackjack
    September 29, 2010 at 11:31 am

    Yes! I’ll use my immeasurable clout to convince George to hand over his trillion dollar baby to me! Good idea! Was thinking of an undersea adventure with Ackbar, personally… What do you think?

  3. limejuiceboy
    September 29, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    Make it all about Lobot!

  4. September 29, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    This is all about Linda Rondstat. She axed him decades ago and he never recovered. Now we get to share in his sadness.

  5. September 29, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    Linda Rondstat hurt you Lucas not us. Make her feel this pain.

    • capnblackjack
      October 5, 2010 at 3:37 pm

      Bitch left Lucas for the Plow King. That ain’t right!

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