Home > Uncategorized > Today's Newest Sign of the Apocalypse: Silly Bandz

Today's Newest Sign of the Apocalypse: Silly Bandz

All of America’s youth agrees:  Silly Bandz rock.

English good that's.

For the uninitiated, Silly Bandz are basically rubber bands that form themselves into the shapes of footballs, monkeys, and jazzy bananas.  Which is appropriate considering that’s what these things make kids. 

BANANAS.

They’re wearing them on their wrists, trading them, selling them, and more.  It’s even invading our nation’s campuses!

Huh.  And I thought sorority girls loved piss beer, wet t-shirt contests, and waking up pantless in dumpsters.  What is this world coming to when even our nation’s young harlots-in-training aren’t walking around bowlegged but are covering their arms in rubber bands instead?

Just.  Sad.

But that’s not the worst part.  It seems like the real joy of Silly Bandz is in the torture of hopeless, defenseless animals.  Just take a look for yourself:

Help us

Why?

As if the Japanese and BP aren't enough

I, for one, have already had enough of this trend.  These little colorful bastards are destined for the dumpster.  And my guess is that it won’t be long.  Besides, let’s face it, this is a pretty poor excuse for a fad.  Why can’t we go back to the days where Hoola-Hoops, giant sunglasses, and water-bobbing birds were all the rage?

Kids these days don’t know what they’re missing.

–Cap’n Bandzjack

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