Home > Uncategorized > Naples, Italy: Where the pizza is made with something special.

Naples, Italy: Where the pizza is made with something special.

Looks good, doesn't it? Hold that thought.

Italy is known for many things, especially pizza, that wonderful food that I could eat all day and if I lived in Italy I would, since it is a staple at the breakfast table. And of all the towns throughout Italy, Naples is the preeminent location for all things pizza. Neapolitans take their pizza so seriously in fact that there are considered to be only two true pizzas: the Marinara and the Margherita.

It’s a big deal.

Well, if you are going to Naples or if you have been recently, you might want to pay attention to this article from England’s Telegraph:

Italian prosecutors believe pizza in the southern city of Naples may be baked in ovens lit with wood from coffins dug up in the local cemetery, according to Italian daily Il Giornale.
Investigators in Naples are setting their sights on the thousands of small, lower-end pizza shops and bakeries that dot the city on suspicion that the owners may “use wood from caskets to keep ovens burning.”

Yeah, these.

So there’s a rotting corpse in a wooden box and these are then used to stoke the fires to bake the pizzas that millions of people eat as they traverse their way through the villages of Italy, with no knowledge whatsoever as to what is going to happen to them. Until…

More blood, less sauce please.

Do you know what this means? I know exactly what this means…

Italy is turning anyone who has visited Naples into an army of Zombies! How is this possible, you may ask? The fumes from the rotting corpses stick, if you will, to the wooden boards of the coffins which, when burned, create a chemical reaction that spreads like a virus into the pizza dough. Consuming said dough lays the foundation for a slow-release inside the human body, after the infected have crossed into other countries, returned home, and basically fanned out across the globe. Soon they will become the walking undead. They will organize. And they will be everywhere.

There isn’t much we can do.

Italy has screwed us all. Sure, we could stave off the Zombie Attack by offering them all the available pizza until supplies run out, but that’s a short-term plan. The “Z.A.” will be at every doorstep and Mama Celeste just won’t cut it anymore. The Zombies want an upgrade on their pizza–they want Brain Pizza. It appears that nothing is going to stop them.

Let’s just hope there are heroes out there that know their pizza and are willing to save humanity.

-Master Splinter

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