Home > Uncategorized > Yes, Virginia, There is a Career for Horse-Talking, Bee-Covered, Chem Queens

Yes, Virginia, There is a Career for Horse-Talking, Bee-Covered, Chem Queens

[Editor’s Note: Today’s post is a special one as this is where The Island all began.  You see, before this blog was a list. A list of hate.  And it’s name?  Madsen Island.  My friend, NavinRJohnson, whose hatred for Virginia Madsen is unequaled, will now go on to explain.  Take it away, Navin!]

As a person who grew up in the 80’s I had grown used to seeing a small group of repetitive actors as a common thread woven into the tapestry of films spanning the decade.  There were certainly examples of many not to care for but there is only one that continues to anger me at my very core.

Virginia Madsen continues to be cast as the “hot chick” and has been miscast as such from 1983-current day.

Why?  Explain this to me, why?  The eighties and every decade after have been laden with actresses ready and willing to push the boundaries of sexploitation and for some it defines their very career (see Fast Times, Phoebe Cates).  Every Madsen film portrays her in these roles even though she constantly has the same look of a mongoloid smelling her own bad gas.  They make her wear few or very tight garments and reapply her hair and makeup in unheard of combinations trying to pass her off as the real thing.

Just look at some of these early film titles to her credit:  Class, Fire with Fire, Hot to Trot, Victim of Love, Love Kills, Heart of Dixie, Third Degree Burn, The Hot Spot, and many more.  Even in that small sampling you can see there is a trend to imply heat in the titles as in she is so hot you must watch this.  Bull.  False frigging advertising, shame on you.

The Funniest Talking Horse Movie Ever

I felt Hollywood was personally sabotaging my teenage years until 1992 and the release of Candyman where Madsen is of course the “hot” lead character.  That is of course until the Candyman comes and covers her in bees.  Eureka! There is someone else out there that prefers their Madsen covered in bees.

Shortly after though, Hollywood reverts back to their poisonous ways with one invalid role after another culminating with her destruction of the film Sideways.  Why would anyone, even Paul Giamatti, pursue her for anything?  She must have naked pictures of all the studio heads.

I had made my peace with her and all of the power she must wield until I reached my second eureka moment.  Madsen represents Botox!

You must be kidding me.  How did I not see this?  The chemical is utilized primarily to preserve youth and beauty.  This toxin freezes the faces of some of our most beautiful actresses leaving them stone faced without a young body to match their new youngish face.  They almost always overdue it and wind up frozen-faced forever.

Botox first went into general use during the 1980’s and has since wreaked havoc. Madsen has had a near identical career…

Don’t you see?  They arrived at the same time!  I am positive that Madsen secretes Botox and is this queen mother of the chemical.  It all makes so much sense to me now.

Not unlike this

So Virginia, for ruining my films, secreting Botox, and refusing to stay covered by bees, I banish thee to The Island.

–NavinRJohnson

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. limejuiceboy7
    December 15, 2009 at 8:21 am

    She looks good in the Hot To Trot poster. So…there’s that.

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