Home > Uncategorized > What a Croc, Guys

What a Croc, Guys

Today Mr. Mario Batali was shown his way to The Island.  While many valid reasons were given as to why he deserved such a life of exile, one that stuck with me was his fondness for the freakish Willy-Wonka-Meets-Dutch-Shoemaker footwear known simply as…

Crocs.

Here’s a picture you won’t soon get out of your mind:

Now that’s a classy look, eh?  Thumbs up to the matching watch, by the way.

Mario, what exactly are you trying to tell people with this choice in footwear?  That your shoes are more ginger than the rest of you?  Or that you’re trying to distract us from the rest of your appearance?  (If so, I must thank you. You are doing us all a public service after all.)  I just don’t know.  But obviously they’re very important to you.  You never seem to ever take them off!  Let’s take a closer look.

Here’s you, your orange crocs, and a Vespa (for maximum orange croc exposure, of course):

And you, your orange crocs, and Jake Gyllenhaal (with matching orange drink):

Very nice.  But it’s not just you, Mario.  Others have gotten into the act:

Dammit, Jack.  Just dammit.  What are you doing wearing those things?  Would McMurphy wear crocs?  Would Jack Torrance?  How about Jake Gittes?  Would he?

Dammit, Jack.  Just dammit.

Sigh.  Now I’m depressed.  Anyone else care to embarrass himself before I finish up?

–Cap’n Blackjack

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