Home > Uncategorized > Black Friday Shoppers: M&M Jackets and Skeezy Rat-Tails

Black Friday Shoppers: M&M Jackets and Skeezy Rat-Tails

courtesy mlive

Every year, scenes like the one above play out on our television screens and we wonder…

Why?

What compels people to don their favorite M&M jackets, wait in line at 2 in the morning, and trample others, all to get ten dollars off a Hannah Montana singing-star microphone?  Well, I sure as hell don’t know. 

America, the day after Thanksgiving is for nursing hangovers, working on creating new ones, and avoiding your in-laws.  Don’t you know that?  It’s about leftovers, sleeping in, and 24 hour Godfather marathons.  Not waiting in line while having to pee, getting breathed on by the skeezy rat-tailed guy behind you, and throwing punches over Jeff Dunham box sets.

Thanks to people like the ones above, the poor, underpaid employees of these chains have to drag themselves into work before 3am.  Just to deal with a bunch of crazy whackos.  Give them a break.  Let them enjoy their holiday too. 

For the love of God everyone, just stay home and relax today.  There’s still plenty of time to flex your capitalistic muscle before Christmas.  Just wait!  Or else you’ll end up on The Island too.

Now pass me some of that stuffing.

–Cap’n Blackjack

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