Home > Uncategorized > Timeout Tuesday: The Righteous Kill Challenge

Timeout Tuesday: The Righteous Kill Challenge

courtesy accesshollywood

It might surprise some of you that we here at Celebrity Exile don’t always banish evildoers to the island.  No, we also provide a public service, providing warnings to those who are on the dark path.

The path to The Island.

We call this Timeout Island: a last chance to fix things before permanent exile.  And Robert and Al are two men that desperately need a timeout.  This realization dawned on me when watching the truly horrific 2008 release Righteous Kill; a movie that we currently have a challenge for:  If you can watch the entire thing without turning it off, you lose. 

Limejuiceboy and I tried the Righteous Kill Challenge once.  I dare you all to do the same.  Sounds easy, I know, but it’s not.  Dear Lord in Heaven it is NOT.  To try to describe the many reasons why would be useless.  Let’s just say that about 50 minutes in, the Limejuiceboy turned to me, ashen and fragile of spirit, suggesting I turn it off.  There was a small measure of panic behind his eyes but my case of Righteous Kill-itis was not as pronounced, so I rejected the offer.  We only had 40 minutes left!  Surely we would make it to the end (not that I cared about the ending.  I just wanted to win the challenge). 

Wrong.  Ten minutes later, with only seconds before the one hour mark, he begged me to shut it off.  Begged me.  Seeing him in this broken-down state made me realize it was killing him.  Literally.  He looked like poor Donovan after sipping from the wrong grail.  He had no strength left.  He just wanted to live.  Thank god Patrick Swayze (rest in peace my friend) was on basic cable to revive him.  And me too.  It was like a warm soothing presence swept through the room that dark n’ stormy night.  The dark spirits were banished.  We were born anew.

Common sense might tell you that two actors of such repute would lift such a drab movie above the gutter, but that just wasn’t the case with Righteous Kill.

The sad truth is that Al Pacino has turned into a caricature of himself.  Yelling, flailing his arms, doing that eye thing he does…  You’ve seen it before.  Many times.  And now it’s ten times worse.  He’s not acting anymore.  He’s just being himself.  And himself is bugnuts.

And what about De Niro?  He’s still good, right?  No, he’s Frankenstein now (Branagh was really onto something there).  He can’t move.  He can’t emote.  And he most certainly cannot act anymore.  There’s just nothing left.  It’s like watching your grandfather trying, and failing, to get up from the dinner table.  It’s just sad.

So, guys, please stop listening to your agents.  You are ruining your reputations.  You were just out-acted by 50 Cent and Donnie Freaking Wahlberg!  And Analyze That, Meet the Fockers, Gigli..?  These movies are terrible!  Neither one of you has made a good one since the late nineties!  Please, find new agents or stay home.  I don’t want to see you like this.  No one does.  You owe it to yourselves to think about what you’ve done and make a decision. 

Take a timeout.  Limejuiceboy’s life depends on it.

–Cap’n Blackjack

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. silvastreak
    November 27, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    This movie is so viciously awful that I’m actually contemplating changing the name of my Tango & Cash Rule to The Righteous Kill rule… and I haven’t even watched this…

    nor will I due to the fact that it falls under my Tango and Cash Rule.

    • limejuiceboy7
      December 3, 2009 at 1:57 pm

      I saw Tango and Cash in the theater! Oh Snake, why did you do it?

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