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Mike Myers-Skunk Ass

Here on Celebrity Exile we banish celebrities to islands, where they can bother us no more. Sometimes we have a good reason for it. Sometimes, it’s more of a personal thing. I feel I have a good reason for it.

When Michael John Myers came onto the scene, Saturday Night Live was in one of its down cycles. He was fresh, he was funny, and people wanted to watch. Wayne’s World was great and even Simon was cheeky. Dieter was good in a strange sort of way but I think that was what he was going for. I even have a thing for So I Married An Axe Murderer, but mostly for Steven Wright’s quick spot as the pilot. Mr. Wright, you are safe. Then came Austin Powers. It was fresh. It was quoteable. A few years later Shrek came and it was a huge hit.

Then the proverbial cat coughed up a hairball. A giant one. And it continues to this day. What we soon found out about Mike Myers is that he does the same thing over and over and over again: the Scottish accent, the terrible jokes, the winking at the camera. Mike, if you want to play different characters in your own movies, mix it up a bit.

Jiminy Cricket! Have you no idea?! You tried to reboot your career and you came out with The Love Guru? And Theodor Geisel must be pounding on the lid of his coffin with the sole purpose of wringing your neck. You look like a backwards skunk in that picture–and your face is the ass. Okay, I haven’t seen Inglorious Basterds, so he might have a good spot in that. Hopefully it is part of his damage control. Actually, there is no amount of damage control available to allow him to recover. We know what you are, Mike: a one-trick pony with a bad accent. It’s not funny. I’d send you back to Canada but I like Canada.

For that, and all the reasons above plus the numerous reasons I failed to mention (you can think of plenty, I guarantee it), I banish thee, Mike Myers, to the Island. Please, for the sake of humankind, never, ever come back.


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